Stressed, Disconnected, and Tired: Is This Just Life Now? Understanding Stress and How to Actually Come Back to Yourself

Yesterday, I asked you what you're struggling with. The answers flooded in: stress, no energy, not enough time for yourself, trouble sleeping, lack of motivation, feeling mentally cluttered, overthinking everything.

In other words, you're overwhelmed by life. And you’re not alone.

We’re living in a time where chronic stress has become the norm. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s natural. Our bodies were never designed to hold this much pressure, this much noise, this many decisions.

This post is about what happens in your brain and body when stress is your baseline, why that matters, and how to begin finding your way back, without adding more to your already-full plate.

The Modern Stress Loop: Why We Don’t Come Down

Stress is a normal part of being human. In fact, our nervous system has two main states: parasympathetic (rest, digest, heal) and sympathetic (fight, flight, freeze, fawn). We’re designed to switch between them effectively, depending on what’s happening around us.

Stress itself isn’t bad. But we’re supposed to come back down. And today, we don’t, because modern life doesn’t let us. We live in homes that aren’t truly ours. Food is available, but only accessible if you earn money. Work is mandatory and not always pleasant. Partners and friends aren’t always trustworthy or helpful. And social pressure is heavy.

In a world where we’re disconnected from true ownership, dependable support, and ease of access to basic needs, today’s environment feels overstimulating, demanding, noisy, and lonely. Even when things seem fine on the surface, our nervous system often perceives it as unsafe because there’s not enough space, nature, rest, or choice.

"Our bodies were never designed to hold this much pressure."

Your Symptoms Aren’t Personality Flaws

If you struggle to follow through on habits, sleep deeply, stay present with your kids, connect to your body, or even just relax, that’s not a lack of willpower, that's your nervous system stuck in a stress response.

The brain’s most important job is to keep us alive, even in the worst situations. Everything else comes second. To do this, the brain needs to:

• Send signals that tell us what we need: food, rest, safety, sex, shelter

• Create a mental map of the world to help us find those things

• Spot danger (or opportunity) along the way

• Guide our actions based on what’s happening right now

And since we human beings are mammals, humans can only

• survive and thrive in groups.

Mental and emotional struggles show up when these systems stop working. That might look like not knowing what we need, feeling stuck, acting in ways that don’t help us, or struggling in relationships.

When we don’t feel safe, everything gets harder - making decisions, focusing, resting, even feeling joy.

It’s not a lack of willpower. It’s your nervous system stuck in a stress response.

You’re Not Supposed to Do It Alone

Modern culture praises independence. But independence is overrated. It creates this illusion of separation.

Humans regulate best through co-regulation. That means connection, touch, presence, eye contact, and laughter. Oxytocin (the hormone of bonding) is an antidote to cortisol, the stress hormone.

But when you’re juggling 99 things a day, rushing from task to another, barely seeing your family & friends, and carrying the mental load 3 lifetimes, your body reads that as danger.

We’re not meant to be independent, isolated, chronically over-functioning humans pretending we’re fine.

Lack of community/group support leave us in a permanent “everything’s on me” state.

And that’s hella exhausting.

"Oxytocin is an antidote to cortisol."

Stress Is Contagious. How We Mirror the Collective

Here’s the flip side of community and why well-regulated relationships matter. We don’t just feel our own stress. We absorb it from others.

This is where interpersonal neurobiology comes in. Your nervous system mirrors what it’s around. If you live with a stressed partner, work for an anxious boss, or spend your time online watching crisis after crisis, your body feels that as if it’s yours.

Stress spreads. This is why protecting your peace isn’t selfish. It’s survival.

Is the House Burning, or Just the Toast?

I gotta say, most of the time, our reaction to stress is way out of proportion. Your amygdala is like a smoke detector. When it senses danger, it goes off. But it can’t tell if it’s a house fire or just burnt toast. It smells the smoke and reacts the same: heart racing, muscles tensing, brain fog, impulsive behavior.

Small stressors can trigger big responses. And even when the threat is gone, the body keeps reacting like it’s burning down, unless we learn to regulate ourselves.

One “smoke test” I like to use is this:Will this matter in two years? Five?If not, it’s not worth your energy.

When we’re in a stress response, logic goes out the window. This is why small things feel huge when you’re dysregulated. A comment. A spilled coffee. A task you forgot. It feels like the world is crumbling, because your nervous system thinks it is.

But you can only “think logically” once you’ve calmed your body first.

"The amygdala can’t tell if it’s a house fire or just burnt toast."

Start With Breath. It Sounds Boring, But It Works.

Breath is one thing that is present in both states - calm and stress. The only difference is the depth and speed of the breath.

Even though it might not sound very tempting and sexy, but becoming aware yout breath is the first and most effective way to fight stress. If you're goal is to lower you daily stress one habit you want to implement is breathwork. And if “more work” feels like pressure, I want you to shift the focus from pressured action to simple action of noticing your breath - the depth and speed - whenever you can:  on the bus, while walking, typing, washing dishes, eating.

When you exhale slowly, especially longer than you inhale, you signal safety to your nervous system. This shifts you from fight-or-flight to rest-and-repair.

Exhale slowly, longer than your inhale and tell your body, ‘You’re safe’.

Stress and Habits: Do Less, Not More

When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to think we need to do more to fix it.

But your brain can’t make good decisions in fight-or-flight.

Start with habits that help you regulate. If sugar makes your heart race and crash, ditch it. If movement clears your head, gently bring it in. If sleep helps you handle life better, prioritize it. If doom-scrolling leaves you overstimulated, choose something calming instead.

You don’t need more hardcore productivity. You need simplicity. Space. Stillness. Rest. And permission to have real rest, without guilt.

Play Is Your Theraphy

Seriously. Let yourself have fun.

Play, laughter, dancing, making art - these aren’t luxuries.

They help regulate your nervous system by releasing hormones like GABA (literally responsible for calm), oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, serotonin. That’s an impressive chemical cocktail.

Play & creativity bring you into the present. Make you feel good and forget about your "must do".

We weren’t born to grind non-stop. We were born to enjoy life, laugh and feel alive.

"Play is not a luxury - it’s nervous system therapy."

Sleep: The Rider and The Horse

Sleep is so underrated, especially when it comes to stress. When you don’t sleep, your ability to handle stress tanks. Your hunger spikes. Your blood sugar goes wild. Your emotional regulation? Gone.Think about how you feel after deep, restful sleep vs. a night of tossing, turning, and waking up cranky. One version of you can handle stress like a calm rider on a horse through a peaceful valley. The other? You’re hanging on for dear life as the horse bolts off-track, ignoring your screams.

Yep, that’s you when you haven’t slept.

You end up wired but tired. Anxious but exhausted. Stuck in a loop of “I know what I need to do, but I can’t do it.”

Before you optimize your life, optimize your sleep.

It’s Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Responsibility

Chronic stress is a product of a broken system, not a personal failure.

But you can’t keep riding a horse that’s out of control. Calm, confidence, and control start with awareness. With stopping. With breath. With a full night’s sleep.

It might feel uncomfortable at first.

Let me be clear. This world isn’t set up for nervous system health. The pressure, pace, and noise of modern life make it hard to regulate, connect, and rest. So if you're struggling, it's not because you're broken. You're human. And as humans, we need to learn to livin in this world we have created. We cannot let it just happen to us.

We get to choose to pause. To breathe. To protect our peace. To come back to our bodies. To choose people and practices that feel like safety instead of stress.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be “fine.” You just have to be honest about how you’re really doing.

And then begin again, from there.

"This world is not set up for nervous system health. If you’re struggling, it’s not because you’re broken - it’s because you’re human."

Need Support?

If you’re in that tired-but-wired place and ready to come back to yourself, I’ve got you. Nervous system healing, real energy, and feeling safe in your own skin - it’s possible. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Feeling the call? Drop me a DM or head over https://www.yourprimeself.com/booking and sign up for your FREE 30 min Discovery Call.